Dealing with employees’ mental health isn’t just a concern for HR—it’s something every people leader should be prepared for. Managers often find themselves on the front lines of employee mental health concerns—from stress and burnout to full-blown mental health crises.

Recognizing the early signs, responding with empathy, and knowing when to involve resources like an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) can be game-changers in supporting your team.

How can a manager quickly identify if an employee is experiencing a mental health crisis? 

Mental health crises can show up in different ways, so the best reference point is the relationship you’ve already built with your employees. When you know them well, you’re more likely to notice changes—maybe they’re quieter than usual or not fully themselves.

How do I approach the subject?

For many people, stress outside of work stays private, so it’s important not to push them to open up—let them know you’re available to listen whenever they’re ready. A genuine show of empathy can go a long way.

What do I do if they’re escalated?

If someone’s more vocal or seems to be “acting out,” your goal is to bring the temperature down, not add fuel to the fire. They’re usually not looking for an immediate solution but someone who understands they’re going through a difficult time.

Safety—both for the employee and everyone around them—comes first. Speak in a calm, non-confrontational tone, use open-ended questions, and if you can, model taking deep breaths. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers or “fix” everything. Simply being there to offer support is a superpower.

You often say that a crisis is like an onion—you have to peel back the layers to know what approach to take.

Can you walk us through examples of different crisis scenarios and explain how a manager’s response might vary?

Yes! A crisis can take all shapes and forms which means the best way to handle one situation will not work in another. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion—you need to see what’s really going on underneath.

For example

Think of a child that just came home from school and throws their backpack on the ground. What’s your first instinct? “Pick that up” “Drop the attitude”? But maybe they were called “weird” by friends, and their feelings are hurt.

Approaching them with curiosity—saying something like, “You seem upset. How can I support you?”—gives them space to open up. Offer choices, like “Would you like a few minutes alone or want me to sit with you?” Giving someone options helps them feel a more in control.

For someone grieving the loss of a loved one, approach their situation with curiosity. Be mindful that grief looks different for everyone —avoid adding your own experiences into the conversation.

Try asking “Would you like to talk about it or is there a better way I can support you?” If they don’t want help right then, respect their boundary but let them know you’re available if they change their mind. A quick check-in from time to time can also be comforting.

And if they’d rather not share with you, that’s perfectly fine—remind them that EFR’s EAP offers confidential, brief counseling sessions to explore whatever is on their mind.

What if the other person is under the influence?

If you suspect that the person is under the influence of alcohol or other substance, a direct confrontation may not be the best way to approach.

Instead, come from a place of concern and safety, using “I” statements like “I’m worried about your safety” or “I’ve noticed you seem a bit distracted.” This approach can open the door to help and connection without making them feel attacked.

A professional counselor can guide them on next steps, whether that’s finding treatment, exploring coping strategies, or focusing on harm reduction.

What practical steps can leaders take to de-escalate a tense situation, panic episode, or other acute mental health challenge?

 Use “I” Statements: Say things like “I’ve noticed…” or “I hear you…” instead of “You always…” or “You never…,” which can feel more like an attack during a tense situation.

Check Your Nonverbals: Keep your voice soft and your tone calm. A quiet voice prompts the other person to focus on what is being said. If they’re speaking loudly, aim for a couple of notches lower. Speak in short phrases for clarity. Keep your body language open, relaxed, and genuine.

Stay Self-Aware: If you feel yourself getting upset, pause to take a few deep breaths or ask someone else to step in.

Hands Off: Do not touch the person or hover too close. Keep your body posture neutral with your hands open and close to your body. Face them without staring, and don’t turn your back on them—it can look dismissive or aggressive.

Offer Support & Privacy: Reassure them that what they share will be kept private. Sometimes suggesting a quieter space like an office or conference room gives them options and a sense of control.

Keep Safety in Mind: Make sure the environment is safe for everyone. See if it can be modified or changed, giving more than one option if possible up to the person in crisis. “I want to understand more about what’s going. I was wondering if we can talk in private in my office or conference room. What feels more comfortable for you?”

Avoid Judgment & Use Open-Ended Questions: Show empathy by asking things like, “Can you tell me more about what’s going on?” This helps them feel heard and may encourage them to open up. De-escalation first: Focus on helping managers learn how to reduce immediate tension. That might include using a calm voice, offering a private space to talk, and normalizing the help process.

Three words can help you in the de-escalation process:

1. Recognize: If you’re able to recognize early signs of conflicts, you may be able to reduce the intensity. Notice changes in body language like clenched fists, tense posture, or fidgeting.

Same with verbal cues- rapid and/or loud talking/yelling, and hostile language. Noticing shifts in this behavior can help you prepare to approach the situation more thoughtfully.

2. Respond: Remain calm, control your own emotions. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself and ease tension. Keep your body language relaxed- soft eye contact, open non-threatening posture, and gentle nodding to show that you are listening.

Resist the urge to interrupt or fix. When we cut someone off while they’re escalated, we re-instill the feeling that they don’t matter and can unintentionally reignite the conflict.

Reflect back what you hear to let the other person that you are listening to what they are saying. Be a parrot! For example if they say “I feel like no one is listening to me” you can mirror back, “It seems like you are feeling ignored”. The goal is to help them see that you are genuinely trying to understand their perspective.

3. Resolve: Aim for a peaceful conclusion, but recognize things may not be fully solved in one conversation. Stay calm, clarify the issue, and set realistic goals.

If needed, use a “time out” so everyone can cool down. Work together by asking, “What would a good outcome look like to you?”—then collaborate on next steps.

How can managers maintain empathy and confidentiality while also meeting organizational requirements for safety, productivity, and policy compliance?

First and foremost: we are all humans with emotions. Starting by meeting your employee where they are. A simple check-in can be insightful and lead to a more productive conversation and better understanding of your employee.

For example: if you have an employee that is always 10 to 15 minutes late, get curious about what barrier may be contributing to the problem. It could be due to childcare issues, bus scheduling or a lack of understanding of the necessity of punctuality. Consider accommodations that may be appropriate and align with current job duties, such as a shift in starting time.

Or for someone that may be struggling with a big project, step in and explore options like delegating less pressing tasks, breaking the project down into smaller goals, or identifying realistic timelines based on their workload.

You don’t have to be a mental heath expert to show you care. Often, just being present and asking the person “Would you like me to listen to support you or help you solve a problem?”  goes a long way.

Ask yourself, “what would I want to hear in a time like this?” —it’s almost never “Calm down!” A simple “I may not know exactly what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you” can build trust and open the door to real solutions.

When should a manager involve HR or external resources like an EAP? How can they do so in a way that feels supportive rather than punitive?

If an employee shares sensitive information with you, reassure them of your support while recognizing you’re not expected to be their counselor or solve their problems.

However, you hold a position of the first point of contact—offer choices rather than demands. For instance, let them know EFR’s 24/7 call center can provide immediate, confidential support and connect them to outside resources.

Or a Management Referral may be a better option that provides the employee with tools for the workplace and more guided assistance.

Emphasize that using the EAP isn’t punitive—it’s a tool for growth and problem-solving that benefits both the employee and the organization.

As a leader, people look up to you, but you don’t have to know it all. The goal is to stabilize the situation, show empathy, and guide them toward professional resources when needed.

By staying curious, asking questions, and pointing employees in the right direction, you create a more supportive environment—one where challenges can be addressed before they escalate.

Do you have specific communication strategies or phrases that can help calm a situation and reassure an employee they’re supported?

Active listening is key. Try reflecting back what you hear to show you’re genuinely present, rather than just waiting to respond.

Simple phrases like “I hear you,” “That sounds challenging,” or “Can you tell me more?” let the person know you’re tuned in.

You already have a rapport with your employee, so lean on that and avoid hostile or confrontational language.

Remember, your nonverbal cues—calm body language, eye contact, and a supportive tone—often speak louder than words.

Sometimes, simply being silent and holding space is all the reassurance someone needs.

How can managers manage their own stress and emotional well-being while supporting an employee in crisis?

Your own well-being matters, too—just like putting on your oxygen mask first on an airplane.

It’s okay to seek counseling or other support for yourself before you feel overwhelmed—your EAP can be just as helpful for managers as it is for employees.

Take a breath, remember you’re doing your best, and reach out for guidance when you need it.

By staying empathic and compassionate (while also caring for yourself), you’ll be better equipped to make your team feel safe and supported.